why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
as a side note pls kill me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
