I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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