it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
