Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
where are you?
Hypothermia
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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