I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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