Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
