bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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