Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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