He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I got inside last night via doggy door
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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