I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
