Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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