Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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