what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
