last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
