I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
