Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She is in my trunk
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
