I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
