just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
