My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
