been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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