Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
