I think im going to throw up on grandma
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
