Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
