in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
