i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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