How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
