i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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