Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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