I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
They left me at home... I'm a liability
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
