my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
