You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
