I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
