who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My dad is sitting where you rode me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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