I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it's great music for shaving your balls
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
