bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
