you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
