There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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