I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
