I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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