need another drink. this is the easiest way
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
