I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
