i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
