Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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