I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
