I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Vodka?
Forever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
