i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
