Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
