It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
