i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
