Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
